I sometimes have to wonder about dreams. Are they subliminal messages from your brain, deep memories breaking out, prophecies for your life, or just something crazy that happens every now and then?
I mentioned before that the reason I got interested in my husband is because of a dream. Normally, I don't believe in most dreams telling the future (at least not for me), but this one was different. I had already met him, but he so wasn't my type (other than the fact that he is a trumpet player and has a deep, bass voice), so I didn't think much about him. I was busy in my own life. One night, I had a dream. My dreams are often more like movies, so I'm watching myself in this "movie" rather than being myself. Anyrate, all I really remember is suddenly I'm sitting on this cream colored couch with Ches, we are holding hands, and he says something. We look at each other, and this look passes between us that just spills out total intimacy. You have seen it in couples, both old and new, that are totally in love, right? That was it with that look between Ches and me. The whole thing was so vivid and felt so real. I woke up right after that thinking, "Wow! That was powerful! Who is that man? I have to get to know him." Thus, the stalking began (hee hee hee). In some ways, I guess I fell in love with him in my dreams (how cheesey is THAT?)
Last night, I had a dream and while I don't really remember most of the details, I do remember that one of my best friends from high school was in it. Her name is Shannon, and I miss that girl. We became good friends junior year, and got really close senior year. We kept in close contact freshman year of college (I went to Idaho, she stayed in Arkansas), but it drifted after that. We had so much fun together. She stayed friends with Jerkfaced Liar (my h.s. boyfriend), and I've always been a bit jealous of that. Last year at some point Jerkfaced Liar IM'd me (our 10 year reunion was coming up), and we ended up talking about Shannon. I really am jealous that he maintained a relationship with her. I want my old friend back in my life. My dream last night just made me miss her so much. I have her email address, and I'm considering emailing her, but I have contacted a few old friends in recent years (most of whom have remained close friends with Jerkfaced Liar), so after a couple of emails I never heard from them again. I want lasting friendships. I have so few of those.
Because my family moved so much while I was growing up, I never kept in really close contact with many people for very long. I still email my best friend from 5th grade (she so rocks. She even calls me every now and then), and I'm mostly in contact with TexAngel through our blogs (we were really close in h.s., too). I have a couple of friends from my college and university years, but there are others that I wish I still knew.
I guess I'm one of those people who need her friends around. I was talking to my mom last night about how I know it's so silly, but I am constantly trying to "dress the part". I care about what everyone thinks of me. I need losts of people around me to validate me. I have a hard time feeling good about myself, and I need others to do the work for me. I care about being popular. I'm almost 29 years old, and I still want to hang out with the "cool kids"! However, if I have a good group of friends that I'm in close contact with (read: I need lots of emails and phone calls and visits), I don't really care about the cool kids. I care about my friends.
My dream makes me want to rekindle some friendships (especially Shannon right now), but do I dare? I don't want to just get left all alone again.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
9 comments:
Sariah so many things you said sound like my thoughts. As far as your dream and acting on it I say "DO". Whenever I dream about someone that I haven't been in contact with for a long time I can't get them out of my mind till I find out how they are. Either phone call or email. At least then I know that they're okay. I always follow up when I dream about someone. And hey, it worked with Ches!
My vote is the same as Dana... e-mail her! If you really were as close as you say, then she will welcome you into her life again... if she doesn't, then at least you know!
My mom always told me that the friends that I would really remember are the ones I made in college or beyond... that is so true! Just remember that you will always have the fishbowl crew :-)
well...
I did that once.
I had this really good friend in 5th grade, Jake. Jake and I always hung out, but then went to different middle schools, and of course high schools. but I came across his email address when I was in like 10th grade, so it'd been awhile since I talked to him. I decided why not? and we've kept in touch since. the friendship kind of picked up where it left off.
now I know this is on a much smaller scale than yours, but seriously, why not email her? no harm in it.
and I think it's funny you say "jerkfaced liar". It's such a clean way to refer to him. I say much worse about my former boyfriends!
I think I will email her. I hope to continue our friendship, but as with other friendships, I'm afraid that it will last all of a couple of emails. We'll have shared our "this is what I'm doing now", and then won't have anything else to talk about. So, we'll see.
The funny thing about the Fishbowl is that most of the people involved in it, I don't know. I mean, I started at Ricks before most of you, and if I hadn't stayed that 3rd year I wouldn't have even met Dana. As it was, I had planned to only stay one extra semester, then go on my mission. Ches changed that plan!
Erica, I have to refer to him as Jerkfaced Liar. I'm working really stinkin' hard to eliminate profanity from my speech (the only time I slip anymore is at colorguard!), and besides, he really and truely is a jerkfaced liar. He may be charming and wonderful to everyone else, but he isn't to me. It really sucks because he was my absolute best friend in the whole world before we ever started dating. My, how that ruined things.
Sariah I never knew that was your THIRD year! I thought it was your SECOND. I really am trying to get more people from your "Sophomore" class involved, but its moving slowly. If the communications does fizzle after a few emails then at least you can say you tried!
April, what you're mom told you, my mom told me and its held true. There are a couple of people from High School that I still keep in touch with but nothing compared to the friendships I made in the "fish bowl".
Hey, Sariah, I'm coming out of hiding in blogland. Are you from Arkansas? My hubby was born there....
Hi devynn,
No, I'm not from Arkansas. I just lived there. For 4 long years while I was in high school. Where was Mr. Devynn born?
this is really none of my business because... we all handle things so differently... but i just want to toss something out there for you to consider- if it makes sense, keep it... if it's not anything you consider helpful, toss it. it won't hurt my feelings. i just... want to mention one thing, really.
if you do decide to contact your friend, you've got to do so with zero expectations, and the reality that even though you can rekindle a friendship, it will never be exactly as it was. it's a tough balance, but i think if you are partially or fully aware of those two elements, then it might be worth touching base again.
good luck with whatever you decide.
Post a Comment