I'm wondering what the "etiquette" is when you are picking out names for your baby. We don't want to use a name that is already being used by a close family member, and we don't want to use a name that has been "claimed" by a close family member, either.
Although sometimes I think that "claiming" a name is just wrong. If you have a baby before me, then use the name you love. But if I have a baby before you and I love that name, then I shouldn't feel guilty about using that name. I have a SIL that years ago stated loudly and often that no one in the family could use the name Caleb because she likes it and if she and her husband have a boy, it also goes well with their last name. A couple of years later, she "claimed" the name Brenden Riley for the same reasons. She was almost threatening in the way she would say, "I have claimed this name, so no one else can use them." Well, she is divorced now and it's not looking like she's going to have more kids, so does that mean I can use Caleb, Brenden, or Riley if I so desire?
The other thing I wonder about is when your close friends have kids. I have several friends have had babies recently, and I really like a few of the names they have picked out. So, do I scratch those names off my list? Many of the friends, while we are close in friendship, we are not close in geography and most likely never will be. Others we are close in geography, but since we're moving anyway, I don't think we'll stay in touch for very long. So which names to I keep on the list, and which do I cross off?
It's such a silly thing to worry about, I know. The world has much greater problems than this, but I'm really curious. What is the etiquette here? Does is really matter? What's your take on it??
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9 comments:
I would talk to the friend about a specific name, and ask her how she felt about geographically spread out children shared a name. Lucky for me, I haven't yet been interested in the same name as a friend, but then, you know some of the names we talk about ... who else would want to do that to a child?
(don't answer, I know.)
i guess my question is... what about the gamillion other people who will name their child the same name? because... you know, there are only so many good names to go around and stuff.
if i have children (which i seriously think is NOT in the cards) i know the names i prefer and honestly, i don't care if all my neighbors, cousins, and sister name theirs the same thing. it's a name. how unique can it be? GAH!
unless its octagon or something. i guess that would be fairly rare.
there you go. you should name the next one octagon.
I think so long as it isn't in use in your family (close family, like your siblings used it or maybe your cousins if you're close to them) then it's fair game. Not to say that you can't decide not to use a name because you know a sibling really likes it and would like to use it given the chance. That's your choice. But I don't think that a name can or should be "claimed."
Also, if your friends used the name then I say use it if you want, but if you know your kids will be together a lot growing up I personally would avoid it.
Just use the name you like and that is right for you. The only thing I would caution against is naming a kid after an older relative who is still very much in the picture.
My sister decided to name her son the same name as my brother. It makes for some interesting misunderstandings sometimes. Plus I have this habit of prefixing my nephew's name with the word "Little" -- which is not good now that he's getting older.
Just don't choose any names that begin with a b or an s and stay far away from names that end in "er" or "a" or "us". Actually I'm just being diffucult. Just remember how many rachels there are and everything will be ok.
Oh and try standing at the top of the stairs and yelling the full name at the top of your lungs. If you can stand it, it should be ok. Oh yah and feel free to use the name Alyson (alison , Alicen, allison, allyson) anywhere you want I won't mind.
All the above advice is great. Just remember tat it is YOUR child and you are the family who will be using the name. Are you happy with it? Then OK.
It is good to try out the name [I used the back door, Alison prefers the stairs--more private? No one to hear you yell Xerxes? Or octagon?]
I came across a NON relative name in my genealogical research the other day. The last name was Paine. The child was named Royal. Now that's just cruel.
Remember how I tried to avoid any "used" names for Erica, but my 2nd cousin in North Dakota also had an Erika...I reasoned, they'd never even meet. Then Erika married and moved to Richmond...then we moved to Richmond, and saw her regularly. So there was Erica, and Cousin Erika. We lived. They moved away. We moved away. It only mattered for a couple years. Big deal! Choose the name YOU want.
{Oh, and I like Caleb, too.]
Do whatever you want and screw the whiny name claimers! I have had two of "my" names used only because I was stupid enough to "claim" them out loud. And to be perfectly honest, if I wanted to I will still use those names no matter who used (stole) them or how close they are related to me. My only rule is that if you are going to use a family members actual name then you need to ask them if they mind; for example we used Big's cousin/best friend's first name for the middle name of Thing One. If he had wanted to use it obviously, he had first dibs. IMHO.
K.
I would actually tell the friend or family member that I was going to use a certain name... I would also not care if it was already used or not. There are a million April's out there... there are a billion kids all with the same names, so who really cares if they are in the same extended family?! That's my feelings anyway...
I doubt there is anything I can say that would add to what has already been said. I would just say that if there is a name that you really like that has been "claimed" by someone else try talking to them chances are they might not like that name as much anymore.
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