An incident was reported on last night's news broadcast that an 8th grade student had written a "hit list" of other students' names on his notebook. These were students who had bullied the 8th grader. Also on his notebook was written a list of some students and teachers who would be spared because they had been nive to them. This incident happened last Friday, and it happened at the middle school that Mr. Universe teaches at.
Mr. Universe expressed surprise that it was reported on teh news because he didn't see it as a big deal. No one seems to believe the student would actually do anything. The student was suspended, and the principal has talked to the students involved (which included two of Mr. Universe's students) and to the parents. The principal was shown on TV to say that he is keeping an open mind in judgement on this, so this student may be allowed back in school. Mr. Universe said he doesn't know this kid, but he did hear about the incident on Friday.
I just about freaked out. As I'm watching this TV report and realizing where exactly this happened, I start to have a panic attack. Mr. Universe kept saying it's no big deal and not to worry about anything. The only thing that kept me from having a full-blown panic attack was that I was starting to get angry at Mr. Universe for not realizing that it was a big deal to me.
You see, I still vividly remember that day in April several years ago when I was home early from class. I flipped on the TV, and there were all these reports... on every station... images of kids in lines running out of a school with their hands on their heads... so many kids crying... kids and parents on cell phones...police cars with lights flashing... adults in full riot gear...
I think we all know what I'm refering to. Columbine. I was still a newlywed, and for the first time I really started to feel mortal. Worst of all, I realized my husband was mortal. We were both studying to become teachers, but we hoped to have a family one day. Once we had children, we both wanted me to stay home and be the full-time caretaker. Mr. Universe would be teaching.
I was horrified at what I was seeing on my television screen. How could two kids do this? How could they kill their fellow students? No matter how angry I was at other students for picking on me or my friends, it never occured to me that this kind of violence was an option. I believe most of us feel this way.
I called my mom. "Have you seen what's on TV?" I cried into the phone. My mother is a teacher. I wondered if she was ever afraid of students like this. Mom tried to calm me a bit, and that when I said to her what has stuck in my mind since that day.
Someday, some student may be depressed and angry, and that student is going to come to school with guns and bombs and who knows what else. That students isn't going to care what happens to anyone else, and my husband could be a teacher at that school, and my husband could get shot. I will never see my husband alive again because some kid is having a bad day.
I know that it is a silly, irrational fear, but a fear it is. When this incident happened on Friday, all those fears from 1999 came back. It hit just too close to home this time. I don't know if this student really would do anything. I'm sure many of us have made at least a mental hit list at one time or another, but would never act on such thoughts. It could be true of this student. He may just need some professional counseling and maybe some anger management courses. I don't know. This particular incident really may be just nothing. But it still scares me.
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6 comments:
This incident only made the news because of Columbine. Before Columbine, could you imagine anyone caring about a middle school student writing a list of names on a notebook? But, it's still just a list of names on a notebook, nothing more.
Unfortunately, I'm still of the (naive?) mindset that gun violence happens "somewhere else, not here". So I might not be the best person to comment.
I occasionally have the same sort of fears with Nathan being a pilot. If other people go to work with a head cold they might misspell something while typing. My husband goes to work with a head cold and I worry that the airplane will do something out of the ordinary and he won't catch it.
I guess I don't worry about it too much anymore. I came to realize that if I worried about all the things that could happen every time he went to work I'd drive myself into some sort of paranoid nuts condition.
Or worse, my kids would see that I was crazy worried and follow suit.
There are always situations out of your control. Pray for the best, say "I love you" every day, and realize that deep down inside you really are strong enough to pick up the pieces if someone shatters your life.
It is not a silly irrational fear! When we are closely tied to a tragedy we have a hard time letting go of the fear. The fact of the matter is schools seem to be much more dangerous places these days. The news reporting every time a kid writes names on a piece of paper seems a little asinine to me though. I think we need to learn from these incidents though and stop bullying. It seems that it is bullying that causes the greatest amount of backlash in the end...
I would be worried too!
We can't say that it only happens in the US. Not too long ago it happend it Lethbrdge, Alberta. One thing to keep in mind as Feathersky said, don't worry about what you can not control. I work with someone like that. She cries almost once a week and for what? So she can have a few minutes alone to come out and start worrying all over again. It can happen almost anywhere. Just remember, I never read in the news that any of these kids were in band. 'We' are too civilized for that. We usually just empty our spit valves on your foot or chair or put vaseline or something spicy on/in your mouthpiece, or short sheet your bed or have a 3 am wake up call on band trip, or change all your reed sizes in you case, or hide your flute or clarinet in the bell of a saxophone or tuba, or replace valve oil with super glue, or make you cookies wih exlax chips. or...
Sariah, I've read this over and over and I've been thinking about it, but I just don't know what to say. I guess everyone else said it better than I did, anyway. But I just wanted to say that I understand.
In the past month there has been reported on the news at least 6 different kids suspended from school and kids staying home from school because of names on a hit list. It's been in ABQ, Rio Rancho, Santa Fe.
I just don't get it. Yes, we have all made mental lists of names of kids we didn't like, but to actually write it down and act on it is way beyond.
I think its not irrational of you to be worried or even a little angry with Mr. Universe because he isn't as concerned as you are, but you also have to remember that there are some things that are just beyond your control and you can worry about every single thing. I hope you're feeling better about this now that a few days have past.
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